Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
someone owes me an orgasm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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