You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
