he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
