hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
