Swine flu. Run for my life!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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