I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
