just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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