Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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