you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
