I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize