Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sex in a hospital.. check
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
