I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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