i love accidental penises.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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