She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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