I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
