New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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