Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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