i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
