It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
