No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
