Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
