so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
