there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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