We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
