you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
