You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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