I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
