I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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