My nipple is on Facebook.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
