I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
