Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
