so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize