Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
