dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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