this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
