ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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