he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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