Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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