I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
