I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
