Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
