I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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