i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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