I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
