I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
