I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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