i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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