now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
