I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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