I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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