im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
