i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
