there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
