So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is my gift to your gina
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
