My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need to calm my uterus...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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