am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
