Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
