i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
