There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
