Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
