We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
