Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
