the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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