I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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