let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
