I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize