question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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