I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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