Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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