I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
