I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
