sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize